Dating today is complicated, like really complicated. Even down to the phrases and terms we use.
I didn’t know any of this when I started, so I’ve been bumbling my way around and have learned everything the hard way.
One of these crazy terms is Netflix and Chill. Maybe you know what it means, but I certainly didn’t. In the first few months online, men would use this term with me and I literally believed it to mean watching Netflix on a couch and chilling, hanging out. Aww. Sounds really sweet and cozy. One would presume it means, “Hey, let’s watch some Netflix and chill and cuddle and get to know each other.”
This is not the case. Its real meaning is, “Hey, let’s have sex while Netflix flickers in the background.”
AKA booty call.
Beware the Netflix and Chill. I’d be so pissed to show up at some guy’s house and end up not watching Netflix. If this is what you want, now you know what to ask for.
Another term to know is ghosting.
Ah, ghosting. It is awful to experience and men love to do this. It applies equally to those you have only messaged with, whether it be three hours, days, or weeks, as it does to those men you have met and even dated a few times.
Ghosting is when the guy simply disappears, vaporizes, is no longer around. Vanished, like a ghost. You might literally be in the middle of having a great conversation with a guy and then there’s no reply for a day, then three, then a week…girl, he’s ghosted on you if this happens.
For whatever reason only known to him, he has determined that this thing between you two isn’t working out. Why? Lots of possible reasons:
- He thinks you will move too fast.
- He only ever wanted a temporary texting buddy.
- He realizes you aren’t going to give him what he wants.
- He met someone else.
- He got bored.
- He never had any intention of meeting you.
You will never know, and, frankly, he doesn’t owe you an explanation. It does seem rude and cold, but what are we supposed to do otherwise with someone we have only known for a short time? It makes dating and people disposable and that’s the part I hate.
This is dating today. You meet a lot of new people and most of them end up ghosting and you never hear from them again. Sometimes they reappear and you can decide for yourself if you want to re-engage or just ignore them. But whatever you do, do not ask the ghoster why he ghosted. Do not send four or even one message asking if you did something wrong.
Let it go.
Your “closure” comes in his non-response. Move on to someone else who will see your worth and want to pursue you. That’s it. Don’t take it personally, though it feels very personal. It isn’t. This is how it is done today, like it or not.
I didn’t make the rules. I am simply sharing them with you.
Flirting With Perception 