Ghosting

I’ve been online on a couple of sites for the past six months and I notice this thing where you’re talking with a guy and things seem to be going well and then suddenly he just disappears. What’s up with that? Where did he go? Was it something I said? – Tina from Burnaby, British Columbia

Hey, Tina,

Nope. Not you at all. Not one iota. Guys do this all the time. ALL THE TIME. It’s happened to me more times than I can count. Women do it to, to be fair. People do it in general.

Online dating makes it so easy to treat people like objects rather than human beings so guys just drop off earth without a word because they can and because it’s easy…and has no drama attached to it.

I get it, I do, but it doesn’t make it any less rude or kind of hurtful almost. You think things are going well and maybe he was even flirty and super friendly in his last message. So many factors come into play when a guy does this. It’s possible he met someone else, felt you wanted more than he could give so he bailed fast. Maybe he only ever meant to text and never planned on meeting. The only person who knows why is him. I’ve had a few guys ghost on me after we’ve made plans to meet up and go on a date. Date day shows up and radio salience. Guy vanished, never to be heard from again…

But sometimes these guys DO appear again, a month later, maybe two. By then I’ve deleted the text message chain and have no idea who is texting me months later. This just happened to me. Guy was like “Hey babe!” and I’m like “Who is this?” He never answered. Guess his guy feelings were hurt lol. Fact is, he vanished and then showed up months later and I can’t be expected to remember him by his phone number. I barely remember mine sometimes haha.

Forget the ghosters.

Move on to someone who will be respectful of you and your time.

And if he shows up again? Be careful, because he’s already shown himself to you and we should believe people when they show us who they really are.