Dating Q&A

When it just sits there…

I’ve been online for a year now and I’ve noticed a terrible trend among men and was wondering what your thoughts are on this. I spend time getting to know a guy messaging and whatnot and we seem to have a connection and it’s going well. But then two weeks becomes three and then four. Some weeks he’s hot and heavy texting me all the time and another week I may hear from him once, and if I text to start a conversation he might reply with a one line reply ┬ábut not move the conversation forward any more than that. I go online to actually meet guys so something can come of it. Aren’t we online to meet people in person? I just don’t see the point of texting endlessly and having it go nowhere. What do I do with these guys? – Martine from Gatineau, Quebec

This made me laugh and then shake my head with a sigh.

Men are very good at doing this, but so are women from what I hear. So people are good at doing this.

Men and women go online for varying reasons, and I have to say that actually dating and meeting people isn’t exactly the top reason they put profiles up on dating sites. From my experience, it seems men like to go online for a number of reasons, and dating is the last. Here’s what I’ve come up with for why men (women? people in general?) go online:

  1. They are bored.
  2. They want to see how many matches they can get.
  3. Their friends made them (for real).
  4. They are lonely, but don’t really want to put the effort into meeting in real life.
  5. They are horny and want to sext to whack off (HUGE reason men go online). It allows them an unemotional, unattached way to get off.
  6. To meet someone to date.

Most men I’ve talked to online end up fading out or ghosting because they are there for some reason between #s 1 and 5, and once they sort out I am there for #6 they vanish.

I had one guy recently tell me he was super busy planning for a trip to another part of Canada and that he’d touch base when he got back. Okayyyy, because they don’t have cell reception in other parts of Canada? The minute I read “touch base” I knew this guy was removing himself from the game. All he did was talk sex anyway, so I must have given off #6 vibes and he removed himself from the equation.

Another time a few months ago a guy and I were chatting for three weeks and it was going really well. Fun, flirty all that good stuff. I told him I didn’t want to sext because it was better to do these things in real life. I was testing him. Not long after that when I finally mentioned we should meet up he said, and I kid you not, that he was booked up with birthday parties for the whole summer and couldn’t fit it in. I laughed and laughed at that. And that was the last I heard from him. Good riddance anyway.

If I understood men completely I’d be a millionaire as would many others. All I can say is that it’s part of the process of filtering and weeding out men to get to the 1% who might want to meet and actually pursue a real life experience with you, whether it’s a hot one night stand or walking down the aisle.

It takes patience and time. I know, lots of seemingly good guys will disappear and you might feel a twinge of “damn” but, remember, if he was mature, emotionally well rounded, and good potential he would meet you. He would step up and suggest times and places.

The guy that is real will make his intentions known and won’t let you go. Everyone else is just playing in the sandbox that is online dating and not worth your time. Cut them loose.

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