First dates/meets can be awkward, especially if the person sitting in front of you is not what you expected. Online dating is basically blind dating because there is only so much you can tell from a picture and some text messages, and that random phone call if the guy you’ve matched with actually believes in using the phone.
I went on a date recently with a guy I’d been messaging with for a few weeks. It should never really go that long before the first meet, it’s like one of my first rules in online dating, but life being what it is sometimes meeting sooner is just not possible. I wasn’t 100% sure if this guy was someone I’d be attracted to, but he was intelligent and he knew how to make conversation and there were enough yes points to make me stay with it and see it through to the meet.
Well, it was one of those rare situations where I was delighted and he turned out to be better than I had anticipated. He was tall, good looking, had a great smile… the date lasted three hours and that was three hours of constant laughing and conversation. No breaks. That’s SUPPOSED to be a major check mark in favour of the situation on any first date. We parted ways after the date, no hug or kiss goodnight though. Hm. Not a good sign.
Then when I got home I broke one of the dating “rules” and texted him first. So many experts say not to text a guy first, let him approach you if he wants to message. If he doesn’t message within 48 hours then it’s a no go.
Screw it, I thought. I had a great time and really enjoyed his company and wanted to make sure he knew that. So I did. And the smile I’d been wearing all the way home quickly left my face with a “Well, fuck” when I received his response one minute later: “It was fun. Have a great trip out west.”
Oh. no. Not the “It was fun” line. That is always the line of death for any future interactions with a man you just had a date with. They say this to be polite and to nicely extract themselves from the situation.
So I’m left here confused because all the “signals” seemed to be on track to a good first date with chance of a second. Oh, wait. I also thought this because he said “let’s do this again and I’ll take you out and we’ll hang out.”
As a person on planet earth, how am I not to think that means the date went well and he wants to see me again?
Manspeak is frustrating. Men OFTEN will say “let’s do this again” when they don’t mean it. So really, we have no way of gauging how a date went by how a man acts or by what he says. Which is fucked up. All we can do is wait that 48 hours to see if he messages again because that is the only indication of true interest we will get.
I wish people could be more honest and upfront. Seriously, if you don’t want to do this again don’t fucking say you do. If I don’t want to see YOU again I’m sure as hell not going to say I do.
Flirting With Perception 