Dating FYI, Feature

Catfishing: It’s real

Finding love online comes with risks.

But you probably already know this. I damn well hope so anyway. If not, consider yourself warned.

If you haven’t tried online dating yet or are rather new to it, then you won’t be thinking that you have to watch out for the fakes and cons and scam artists. But you very much do have to.

Not everyone is who they appear to be online. I feel silly for even typing that out because I think it would be common knowledge. But it isn’t. They made a show based on people’s naivety and Dr. Phil *still* has women going on his show thinking they’ve found love and a loved one wrote in to Phil begging him to help their family member see the truth about the “love of their life.” It’s sad. And these women lose tens of thousands of dollars because they didn’t stop to think for a minute.

I have swiped on quite a few catfishers in my almost two years online. Nobody got the better of me though because I literally read every website and article I could on this once I got wind of what was going on. I armed myself with knowledge and you should too.

I talk a lot about this in my upcoming book, so I’ll keep this short here.

If a guy seems too good to be real, he is 99.9% of the time.

If he asks for money and starts calling you baby and love almost right away, he’s likely a scammer from Nigeria (where a large portion of these scams take place).

If he says he’s in the military and can’t get away yet unless you help him with funds for a variety of reasons, he’s likely a scammer. Military romance scams are the fastest growing and largest online dating romance scam going on. Read this website for how to protect yourself: http://www.cid.army.mil/romancescam.html 

No guy will start professing his love for you and tell you he wants a soulmate and wants to marry you within a few weeks of getting to know you. Think about it: Men don’t talk or act like that!! We can barely get them to agree to go on a friggin’ date lol or be monogamous. That’s a typical guy, not the guy saying he wants the heart of his heart and love of his love … within a week.

These scammers play on your heart strings. They KNOW you are lonely and want love and will likely pay to keep it. So he gives a sob story about needing money in hopes your love for him is strong enough to have you send it to him. DO NOT.

Run his image through a Google image search or https://tineye.com  to see if his image pops up elsewhere online. If no matches come up, MAYBE this guy is for real. Maybe. Dig around. Check Facebook, verify facts he gives you. If he’s vague, beware.

No matter what, don’t send these guys a fucking dime.

Check out www.scambusters.org and www.datingbusters.com and http://www.yourittoday.com/scammers.php to read stories and see if the guy you’re dealing with sounds familiar in these other women’s stories. You will fast learn what their MO is and how they operate and then use your head, not your heart, to determine if you’re being catfished or not.

 

 

Dating Dos and Don'ts, Feature

Online Dating Dos #1

Use current pictures.

I think the number one concern men AND women share is that the person they meet won’t look like the pictures they used online.

I’ve had this happen to me a few times and needless to say it is disappointing and you feel…cheated, lied to. And essentially you were.

Use recent pics that show what you look like, today. Not ten years ago when your hair was longer and you were twenty pounds lighter. Be honest about who you are today because that is the person the man will meet … and expect.

If he sees you look different from what you presented as you today, chances are good he will walk away before your first meeting is up, or you won’t hear from him again, simply because you lied, and, really, how can he trust you going forward?

You will want the same from the men you date. But they will lie and conceal too. That doesn’t mean you should start a relationship based on a lie and half truth because men might do it to you.

So I say it again…

Use current pictures.

Dating FYI, Feature

When He Still Has An Active Profile…

So you’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks, months now, and you find out he still has an active profile on his dating site (or sites). You don’t know how to feel about this, but you do know you’re angry and confused, and wondering how serious he is about you after all.

There are two responses to this and they are based on your level of commitment to each other.

You are in an actual relationship and have had the exclusivity talk. 

If this is the case, then you have a right to be upset and confused because this guy, your boyfriend, has committed to an exclusive relationship with you and you only. Unless you discussed being in an open relationship, you are totally correct in assuming you’d be the only one he focuses on. So finding out he’s still online chatting with other women is upsetting and I’d be pissed off too.

What do you do? Well, this is where it gets tricky. How did you find out about him being online and chatting with other women? Were you snooping and spying on him? If so, you are totally screwed because by confronting him about his online infidelity you are admitting to having had trust issues from the get-go

(with reason too it seems) and this is going to upset him. No one likes being tracked and spied on.

So you need to bring the topic up casually. “Hey, have you closed all your online dating accounts? I did that last week when realized I had one still open. I’m sure you have. I just wanted you to know I’m not online anymore.” That kind of thing is what you say. Then see how he responds. Does he say, oh yeah I’m off or good point I should. Maybe he will actually say he’s still online. If he lies to your face and says he isn’t, then you now have two red flags with this guy: he’s still seeing other women (or at least talking to them) while in a relationship with you and he just lied to you straight up. You might want to reconsider being with this guy.

You could fess up and say you know he’s still online and see how that goes.

You could wait it out a few months then ask him again and then just tell him you know damn well he still is.

Either way, this guy is not commitment ready and you should know this going in. Stick around if you want, but he’s not all that into you and is just biding his time till he finds someone that suits him better. Why else would he still be online? He’s pursuing, other women, that aren’t you.

You are not in an exclusive relationship with this guy. 

This answer is easy and short: he owes you nothing and he can totally still be online chatting and meeting other women. Unless you have had some kind of conversation that squarely places you as the only one he is seeing and he says so clearly, then it’s fair game. For you too!!

Keep dating other men. Don’t quit once you find someone you are seeing casually. You are allowed to date a few guys at once. They did it in the 50s so I think we can damn well do it today lol. How else will you know what you like, want, need?

Until a conversation is had regarding exclusivity, it’s fair game for both sides. He isn’t doing anything wrong being online while dating you.