Dating Dos and Don'ts, Feature

What Not to Do #2

I’m going to keep this brief, because really y’all should know this by now.

But apparently many of you do not.

So here it is.

When on a first date do not monopolize the conversation.

More to the point, and even worse, do not monopolize the conversation by grilling your date about the work he/she does because you are interested in breaking into that field/industry.

I work in publishing and I can’t tell you how many guys consume first date time with them grilling me on how to be a writer, how to get published… this happened to me just recently. That’s all he did for the one hour I let him have before walking us back to the parking lot so I could end the one-sided discourse.

The only question he asked me? How long have I been doing this.

Fuck you.

Dates are to learn about each other, you know, information, so you can assess if you are a match. Not to use the other person for free information about something they know that you want to know. It’s a jackass move.

Don’t be a jackass.

Be genuine, curious, share equally, ask a variety of questions… you’d think this would be the ABCs of dating we all know without having to be told, but sadly it escapes many people.



Book Release, Dating Dos and Don'ts

Life’s little hiccups….

When in life have things gone as planned?

I don’t know about you, but not very often for me. Not my relationships (or marriage), expected birthing dates, careers, and as it turns out, even book release dates.

Through the “magic” of technology and “glitches,” my book will now be available for ordering next week rather than January 30. My publicist, when she gets my email in a  few hours, will be less than thrilled with this setback, change of plans…call it what you will.

Release dates are important because in publishing we work up to that date and try to garner attention and interest so that ON release date people flood Amazon and buy your book. Because release day sales are what impact sales rankings. It’s all a game. Meh. I don’t play games, not in dating or any other aspect of life. Even book releases.

It all can be stressful. If you let it.

I’m not worried. I’m not stressed. It is what it is and what will happen will happen.

I wrote this book for single women so they could navigate online dating with a heads-up before getting ambushed by the manmines like I did.

So the book is out in a  few days, 3-5 days to be exact lol. I hope it helps you out in your journey back into dating. As always, send questions if you have them! I’ll answer honestly right here on this blog.


Dating Dos and Don'ts, Feature

Online Dating Dos #1

Use current pictures.

I think the number one concern men AND women share is that the person they meet won’t look like the pictures they used online.

I’ve had this happen to me a few times and needless to say it is disappointing and you feel…cheated, lied to. And essentially you were.

Use recent pics that show what you look like, today. Not ten years ago when your hair was longer and you were twenty pounds lighter. Be honest about who you are today because that is the person the man will meet … and expect.

If he sees you look different from what you presented as you today, chances are good he will walk away before your first meeting is up, or you won’t hear from him again, simply because you lied, and, really, how can he trust you going forward?

You will want the same from the men you date. But they will lie and conceal too. That doesn’t mean you should start a relationship based on a lie and half truth because men might do it to you.

So I say it again…

Use current pictures.

Dating Dos and Don'ts

Kissing Strangers

When my marriage ended, I went online right away for a number of reasons. I wanted to distract myself from the crumbling foundation of my life around me and wanted to meet men to see what was going on eleven years later.

I went on first and paid my eighty or whatever dollars, loaded a picture, and a created a profile write-up. It felt empowering to be on there. I chatted with a few guys, and then decided to try another site and joined OkCupid. Now I was chatting with more guys and was learning terms I’d never heard of before, as well as behaviours.

Talk about men behaving badly!

Two months later, I decided to take it seriously to meet men rather than just remaining faceless and chatting only. A few weeks into that, I wrote an article about the breakdown of my marriage and my takeaways from online dating so far, though that crazy journey hadn’t even really begun.

A friend read the article and suggested I turn it into a book. So I did. I planned on doing a year in the life memoir of my online dating experiences and would learn everything I could, and experience as much as I could, so I could report back to other women about what was out there and how it all goes down…according to my experience.

That book won’t make the light of day. It’s too damn personal. What I did, though, was turn it into a quick and dirty guide to online dating based on my experiences so that other women heading into the pond have an idea as to what might hit them while swimming in shark-infested waters.

But why am I qualified? Well, I chatted with hundreds of men over the course of a year and a bit, went on many dates, and so I feel have a really good handle on men and what dating online is like, because… I dated hard and I did it for research lol.

Dating Dos and Don'ts

Are You Ready to Start Dating Again?

After separation and divorce, you need to be honest with yourself once you decide to get back out there. You should ask yourself the following questions:

  • Are you ready to start dating?
  • What do you want? Your options are Friends With Benefits (FWB), relationship, to date a few men, hang outs, and hook ups.
  • What does he want?
  • What did I do that contributed to the breakdown of my divorce/separation?
  • Are you over your ex?

The only one who can determine if you’re ready to start dating again is you. Some people say you need a month for every year together.

Others spit out two years as the magical number. And then there’s everything in between and sideways of that.

You will know when you’re ready to be with another person when you want to be intimate, emotionally and physically.

If you still have feelings for your ex, you aren’t ready. If you still cry over the break-up, you aren’t ready.

If you never think about them and feel excited at the prospect of meeting new people, then you are as good as ready. You can be scared and uncertain and doubtful of your success, yes, but you are otherwise ready.

Dating helps you figure out what you will and won’t tolerate, what you do and don’t need.

Date a lot, meet a ton of men, sample the pool, see what’s out there until you find what fits for you and makes you feel good.

Dating is exhausting, though, physically (all that prep work!), mentally (trying not to think “not another date with some guy I probably won’t like”), and emotionally (you think it went well but … you never hear from him again. Awww, that kinda hurts, dude).

Men who are already built need only apply.

And that seems to be a tall order these days.

I am not a charity. Say this to yourself too.

We need to make decisions that benefit us going forward.

We need a man who is already built.

Take some time to figure out if you’re ready to really start dating. Maybe you won’t know until you try for a bit. You will figure it out pretty fast once with other men if this is for you right now. And if not, take more time and try again in a few months.